A Holy, Sacred Space: Jen's Switch to a Family-Centered Home Birth for Her Sixth Baby

Prior to the birth of my sixth child, I had five hospital births. Three were unmedicated, two were medicated (rupture of membranes, pitocin, epidural), all vaginal deliveries with no complications. I've always loved and appreciated physiological labor and birth, so I had considered using a birth center before, but for some reason or another it never worked out. One thing I never really considered was a home birth. I think when you get into the groove with one kind of birth, you often stick with it! But before I even became pregnant with our sixth baby, my second eldest asked if she could attend the birth. This desire, which reminded me so much of myself as a young girl, quickly led us to knowing that a home birth was for us should I be pregnant again in the future. And so it was some months later that I was pregnant with a baby girl, due on March 9th.

We had a wonderful prenatal experience with our midwife. I absolutely loved that she came to our home and all of my needs were taken care of there, with my children present if they so desired. Things took a surprising turn when we discovered that baby was breech at my 37 week appointment. I wish I could say that I was completely at peace with the prospect of a vaginal breech birth at home, but I was not at first. I wasn't at peace with a c-section, either, though. The next two weeks were a spiritual trial of prayer, discernment, and faith. I'm speeding ahead in order to get to the birth story itself, but at 39 weeks, our baby flipped vertex (head down)! I share this in case anyone is about to lose hope, like I was, that babies can move position all the way through pregnancy and even in labor. I credit the Blessed Mother for calling my baby head down. I asked her daily to call my baby down with her sweet voice, if it was God's will.

Now here I was cruising past my due date for the fifth time. The last few days of pregnancy were filled with ups and downs. We had a beautiful stretch of March weather in Maryland - three days of 70 degrees and sunshine. It was such a gift to sit outside in the sun and do some curb walking along the stairs of the back deck. But I also felt very overstimulated by life. I guess five kids, a dog, neighborhood friends knocking on the door and playing, homeschooling... it all felt like a huge contrast from the peace and seclusion that I naturally desire at the end of pregnancy, a desire to be cocooned and welcome life into the world peacefully. I had a hard time going past my 40 weeks and not knowing how many days were ahead. I had a lot of practice labor that was getting stronger, but no other signs of coming labor. But she was head down! And for that, I was endlessly grateful.

On Friday night, the 13th, our two year old woke up around 1:00 a.m. needing some comfort, so my husband, Pat, went to sleep in his room. That's when I noticed that my Braxton Hicks were feeling more like real contractions now. I was thrilled! They happened all through the night, I would wake up for some, but they weren't hard to manage, nor were they following any sort of pattern. The next day these continued sporadically, and I was thinking we'd probably have baby in the next day or two. Sometime in the early afternoon the sporadic contractions started to feel more intense, they started to demand my attention and breathing. I was very confused by this because I hadn't lost any mucus plug, nor was I having bloody show. I always had these signs as labor approached, and usually my early labors were mild and easy. I joked with Pat that if these were early labor contractions, could I handle the active labor ones?

By 5 p.m. I begrudgingly put my TENS machine on my lower back and texted my midwife. My contractions were closer at this point, 8 to 12 minutes apart, and painful for early labor. I've never needed my TENS machine until active labor-- and I was so certain that I could NOT go into labor without losing my mucus plug and having a bloody show! I explained all of this to my midwife and asked if she had any insight for me. She suggested that baby could be in a funky position and that could be affecting the feel and timing of contractions. She asked me to do an inversion and then try abdominal lift and tucks during the next 10 contractions. So my parents, who live with us, took over with the kids so that Pat and I could go up to our bedroom and do the contractions together. Pat would lift and tuck my belly during a contraction, then we'd wait for the next one to come. 

Looking back, that was my favorite part of labor. It was the only time that Pat and I were alone, connected, and working together just the two of us. He was also SO smart to use this time to get the tub liner in, hose connected, bed made, etc. It hadn't even crossed my mind. I was not thinking that we'd need them all so soon! Around 6:45 p.m. we finished the abdominal lifts and I told my midwife that I was going to chill and see if I noticed any difference. I think I tried to eat my dinner but had no desire. We checked in with the kids and my parents, but I pretty soon wanted to retreat back to the bedroom to labor. 

At 7:35 p.m. I texted the midwife: "they're getting closer together and stronger. Is it possible that I'm going into active labor without bloody show or mucus plug, or no? Getting colder and shakier, too."

7:36 p.m. Midwife: "It is! About how far apart are they?"

7:38 p.m. Me: "Just started timing. Last two were 5 mins apart and just over a minute long. Can Pat start filling the tub or is it too soon?"

7:39 p.m. Midwife: "Definitely"

7:44 p.m. Me: "Last few are even closer. Maybe you should come?"

Thumbs up

Ok now I'll backfill the story, but it cracks me up looking back at these messages and the time stamps, because I was so clueless that baby would be born so soon. My midwife, to her credit, started heading out the door immediately when I said five minutes apart. If she hadn't known me well enough as a patient, or waited for me to be more certain of her timing to come, she would have missed the birth. On my end during this time, I finally accepted that I was going into active labor.

The three older kids were with us now and so excited that mommy was in labor. I have vague memories of them rushing around making their own last minute preparations: asking me if I wanted to be blessed with holy water and healing oil, reading to me the saint of the day, etc. So cute but also a liiiittle much for a woman contracting every 3-5 minutes ;). I don't think we prepared them well in that aspect. We probably should have told them to be a bit more calm and quiet, or not too loudly announce, "MOM IS HAVING A HUGE CONTRACTION" (7 year old son) or not to ask mom questions during a contraction, or touch me very much at all during a contraction. None of this was bad, in fact it was sweet and lovely, but they quickly learned how mom likes to labor-- quiet and mostly on her own. 

The tub was filled probably by 8 p.m., it didn't take long at all since Pat was prepared. My daughter/doula remembered to hand me the blessed crucifix that I wanted to hold during birth, and I got into the tub. I loved the ease of movement in the water, but these contractions were intense! I wonder if it was just the speed of this labor, but everything felt elevated. I think I had puffed myself up a bit that I handled contractions like a champ by now, but labor will humble you! I knew that these waves were bringing baby down quickly and she was going to come very soon, and I tried to hold back some since my midwife hadn't arrived yet. I'm not positive but she probably came in around 8:15 p.m., and I gave myself all of the little inward pep talks and prayers needed to surrender.

After another contraction or two, my waters broke and baby's head was crowning. I was yelling my heart out (I had prayed so much for a peaceful birth for the kids sake, but mom's a screamer!), although the warm pool definitely helped keep me more present. I felt her head crown, come out (simply said, but powerfully felt), a brief pause, and then the rest of her body! There was no waiting for contractions, only brief pauses before my body started pushing more and more. What a sweet, sweet relief! The kids said that baby did a flip in the pool before Pat caught her and brought the cord under my leg as I turned over to hold her.

We did it! We went from labor denial and acceptance at 7:35 p.m., to baby in my arms at 8:29 p.m. Our Dove Frances, named for the Holy Spirit and in honor of St. Frances of Rome. Turns out that Dove is also a family name and I had no idea!

I had such visions of this birth during my pregnancy, and to see it all unfold was miraculous. I was holding my healthy baby girl in my arms in the birth pool, surrounded by my family. And the timing was even better than I could have imagined! Since it was 8:30 p.m., the younger two children were just about to be put down for bed, but instead they got to come in and meet their baby sister. My parents came in and met their granddaughter, and we all hung out in peace and joy for the next hour while I rested in the pool and birthed the placenta.

Dove and I were in good health, we were all in great spirits, and we've loved the home birth experience. My dad said that when he walked into the bedroom minutes after her birth, that it felt like a holy, sacred space. And it was! I'm so grateful to our Lord, Jesus Christ, and to the Blessed Mother. I'm so grateful that our older children were able to witness the inherent goodness and design of a woman's body. To our Dove Frances, we love you eternally! What a joy and privilege to be your mom.

Jen is a wife to Patrick and a homeschooling, stay at home mom to six beautiful children. They reside in Maryland and part of the year in sunny Florida.