Crossing the Threshold and Restoring Trust: Mary Clare's Twin Breech Home Birth

After I had our twin boys, I thought, "Wow, that was crazy. Good thing I’ll probably never have twins again." And then at five months postpartum, we conceived twins again. We lost one twin extremely early in pregnancy. However, I was shocked that it had happened again, and it unlocked a big fear for me. Twin pregnancy is incredibly difficult for my body and mental state, so moving forward, I begged God to let a chalice like that to please pass over me for any “next time.”

During the few years between our last baby and our twin girls, I would joke about having another set and try to make light of this deep-seated fear and distrust in the Lord that grew stronger and stronger. The time came when Ryan and I began to long for new life in our home, and the Lord graciously granted it to us. Right away, I knew it was twins again, and I panicked. I got ultrasounds immediately and BAWLED my eyes out when I saw the two amniotic sacs. I had done an enormous amount of work and was in the best shape of my life. I knew this would completely physically wreck me. And how was I going to emotionally care for my four kids while going through this again?

I got a message that we should come back to check something. That’s when we found the third sac with TWO MORE babies. I had already accepted the twin reality, and at that point, all we could do was laugh. Ryan’s main concern was, “But how will we come up with four names?!” which honestly brought me so much peace. His faith and security in God’s provision were the first steps in my healing from the fear and distrust in God that had grown like the weeds I currently have all over my yard.

A week later, we found that we had lost those two little babies sharing an amniotic sac. The prayer of Job was my song, “You give and take away, blessed be Your name.” Many tears were shed, and my desire for the two babies who were still growing in my womb turned up to max volume. A few weeks later, I passed the remains of the two babies we had lost. It was horrific, and I was sure that I was also losing the two I have in my arms now. In the ER, an ultrasound was ordered, and there they were. Hearts beating away a song of strength and hope: “The Lord is kind and merciful”.

When we were about halfway through, I visited an MFM at the request of my midwife team. I was told that the babies' sacs were pulling apart, and the section that had pulled away was now weakened. There was a risk of my membranes rupturing prematurely because of this. “Your babies may not make it,” crushed me. (This may have happened after we lost the third sac.) There were other complications we were facing on top of this. But there was literally nothing to be done except trust in the Lord’s providence. My midwife Taylor assured me she had faith everything would be okay. And you know what? It was.

Over the next 20 weeks, I continued to exercise, work, play with my kids, homeschool, cook meals, plan for the future, and pray. My faith deepened, and I became sure that the Lord wanted these two babies born alive into our arms at home.

At 30 weeks, I began working my butt off to get baby A (Veronica) to flip. She was breech, and the birth center my midwife worked at warned that the company was not comfortable with a twin A breech birth at home, and would have to drop me at 36 weeks if she did not flip head down.

At 33 weeks, I started seeing the Webster certified chiro 3+ times a week and doing all of the crazy upside-down exercises. At 35 weeks, I was exhausted. During one of my 20 minute drives to the chiro, I heard the Lord whisper to me, “But what if I want her born breech?” I was like LOL K UM. And then I sat with it. We had been through so much together, Ryan, me, and these babies. And the Lord had continuously taken care of everything over and over again. What if it was His plan that I step down, relax, and rest in Him. I kept up with walking several miles a day, doing the miles circuit, and visiting the chiro once a week for the remainder of the pregnancy.

Thirty-six weeks came, and unsurprisingly, baby A was still breech. So was her sister, but she was doing flips every day. We were officially dropped from the birth center. But Taylor, being the best of the best, took us on privately from that moment on. She hired a breech team from Rochester as well as someone who had an abundance of twin home birth experience. When I tell you that I trust this woman, I mean it. Like, it was awesome that she brought in these experts, but I did not feel they were needed in the slightest.

Everyday moving forward I hoped it was “the day”. There was more pre-birth drama. There was a point where I packed a bag because I almost risked out of homebirth for possible preeclampsia. But behold there was a fluke and my body was just fine. I put the drama into pro(DRAMA)l labor because I had it for WEEKS and it was doing things. At 38 weeks I was four cm dilated with a small bulge of waters. At 39 weeks I was six cm dilated with that bag of waters bulging even more for a whole week before these girls were born. Ask my neighbors, I was walking 1-2 miles DAILY. (Everyone was like please do not give birth on my lawn.)

So.. the night before my due date (which was the Solemnity of The Sacred Heart), I had more prodromal labor, and I hoped beyond hope - YEARNED for it to be the real deal. I invited my mother and sister over to go on a mile walk with me. I did curbs, I pumped, I took the cohosh, drank the teas, cried my eyes out, laughed my butt off. And by 11 p.m., any momentum that had begun just… stopped. I sent them home and went to bed defeated.

But the lord had a plan. See, I had written and produced an album for my labor and set the release date for my babies' due date. And the Lord wanted me to labor through the streaming release party with my midwives, family, and a dear friend who photographed for us. And you know what? That was really cool of Him. Like, really cool.

Just before 4:00 a.m., I awoke to a wild contraction. One of those “you’ll know it’s real” ones. I called my sister, got in touch with my midwife and photographer, and then woke Ryan up. Everything was in swift motion.

My important people walked through the door and saw that I was submerged deep in the sea of “labor land”. It was glorious. Challenging. Empowering. Painful hard work! But never, not once, was it scary. More midwives arrived, but I hardly noticed. They sat off in the corner observing. Ryan and I did the work as my team stood nearby, ready to assist in any way we may need. At 5:14 a.m., just one hour and 15 minutes after that first contraction, Veronica was born breech. I didn’t even have to push; the fetal ejection reflex (FER) kicked in, and she slipped right out. Easiest birth ever.

She was born mostly en caul (in her sac) with a beautiful Apgar score. How wild to have spent so much time worrying her sac would burst before its time, and that despite literally bulging for weeks, it would not burst until she had come into our arms. Her cord was short, and my next contractions were coming fast. So we chose to cut her connection to me, and she was placed in my sister Catherine’s care to hold while I began laboring for her sister.

After about an hour, we chose to have her sister’s waters broken by our midwife, and Clare was born at 6:14, one hour later on the dot. Again, Clare’s waters would not burst; it was a small intervention we chose moments before it was her turn to be born into our world via FER, just like her sister. She flipped head down right before emerging, and it took her a few minutes to adjust, but she was happy to be out, quickly pinked right up, and gave us the cries we had been longing for.

My twin boys, at the tender age of six, had asked to be present for their sisters' births. We had told them that if they were awake when it happened, so be it. We did not have to wake them. They woke up shortly before Veronica came, and then witnessed Clare’s peaceful labor. They did not interfere or express fear at any point! I had taken time to prepare them, and my team quietly explained things to them throughout the experience. Sam, our photographer, gave them a digital camera to take turns documenting, which they loved.

After Clare was born, we asked Mateo (twin B) if he would like to cut her cord, and with great delight, he did so. Two twin B’s in a pod.

I began to hemorrhage shortly after that. My team was peaceful, efficient, and effective in giving me the care that I needed. I completely trusted them. The boys were whisked away, the babies taken care of, and I was administered a shot of Pitocin after I gave consent to it. (I originally declined, but upon losing more blood and understanding what was happening, I happily accepted.)

Soon, I was in my bed with my new baby girls nursing them. My family came to take the older kids for the day so that we could rest, get to know, and properly welcome our newest children. It was a day to relish in our dream come true labor and birth. The Lord provided every step of the way. The day they were born, I wrote, “‘The Lord gives and takes away’ once proclaimed in grief and sorrow, now sung in joy and thanksgiving: ‘blessed be His name!’”

Postpartum was difficult. Recovering from a hemorrhage was a new challenge for me to navigate. But the Lord provided an extended paternity leave for Ryan, and I was able to live in my bed for the first week. And then I was able to stay home and take it easy for the few weeks following that. It was a sacred time full of tears, laughter, rest, exhaustion, peace, and anxiety. All of these good and hard things would come to me hand in hand. But for the first time in my life, I found that all I could do was experience the feelings and then let them wash over and away from me. I stopped trying to collect and keep it all for later. I stopped holding on to it; my hands were too full! I was fully surrendered by no choice of my own and so grateful for it. My trust in the Lord had been restored, and my fears had been healed. The greatest gifts had been given to me by Him, and there was nothing else that could matter more to me.

I do not know the plans that the Lord has for my family’s future. But I have peace. On a practical level, he has provided us with the work needed to afford infrastructure for a large family. Mentally and physically, I have become so much stronger. Spiritually, I am reliant on His grace. Our vocation as husband and wife is on a level I did not know possible for only being eight years in! My older kids are so smart, loving, and helpful. These babies have been our easiest yet. Our days are being filled to the brim, overflowing even sometimes and somehow, we are thriving. That is what our yes to the Lord has given us. That is what growing in trust is doing to us. That is what receiving His mercy is showing us.

So yes. I do think it's likely we’ll have another set someday. And no, it doesn’t freak me out. Sure, we have plenty of hardship ahead of us and A LOT of responsibility to foster and grow as we go. But there is peace. There is faith. There is trust that He knows what He is doing. And He wouldn’t just give us more kids (multiples even!) unless He saw it fit. After all, “Children are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward,” right?? (Psalm 127:3)

The year as a mom of six aged six and under was both the most challenging and absolute best yet. And I’m ready for an even harder year if it means they just keep getting better and better.

Thank you to our family, friends, church community, and neighbors who have been so generous to us. You are the Lord’s working hand in our lives.

Mary Clare Melero is a Catholic mother of six, including two sets of twins. She homeschools, pursues music, and shares daily life on her Substack at Dead Tired Diaries.. Find her album Crossing the Threshold: Songs for Sacred Birth on Spotify here! You can also connect with her on Instagram here.