Full Surrender and Embracing the Mystery: Liz's Unassisted Birth of Her Fourth Baby Solanus Joseph
We had three beautiful children, but we were ready for another and prayed to conceive another. While visiting my family in Appleton, Wisconsin on the Feast of the Holy Family, my husband and I left my exhausted kids with my parents to drive through a snowstorm to St. Joseph's Church. After Mass, we found a relic of Blessed Solanus Casey there where he had offered his very first Mass. We asked him to intercede to have a new baby, and of course, we conceived right around that time!
Fast forward to February I had signed up for a women's retreat two hours from home in Indiana on a whim. Of course, it was the Holy Spirit because the retreat was held at the former St. Felix friary that Blessed Solanus Casey had lived in at the end of his life! I encountered great personal healing on this retreat as well as getting the opportunity to learn more about him. It's like this holy man WANTED to pray for us! So here is Solanus Joseph's birth story.
I had my first baby naturally in a hospital, babies two and three at home with midwifery care, and for this pregnancy, we decided to have an unassisted (free) birth. I didn't feel called to this because of a traumatic or terrible hospital or midwife experience. But rather each birth taught me what was important prenatally, what my body was capable of, how birth was designed so beautifully, and each experience gave me more confidence in the whole process. There was also the financial aspect. Our previous midwife care cost $5,500 out of pocket. For this birth, we ended up paying about $650 total ($150 for birth supplies and herbal tinctures, $250 for a 24 hour newborn exam with a midwife who signed our birth certificate papers, and $250 for the Rhogam shot I opted to have because I'm RH- and baby was positive).
With this baby from conception to birth, I cherished the mystery and the full surrender to God. Call it old-fashioned. Some people would say it's careless and irresponsible to not go to every scheduled prenatal exam that is routine in the system, but what could I even change about my pregnancy if I had the knowledge something was amiss? I understand that's not every woman's experience, but our decision was very prayerful and full of peace. I checked my own blood pressure, fundal height, urine strips, and did my own baby mapping. We did have the support and advice of a retired L&D nurse throughout the pregnancy if needed and she came over a half hour after the baby was born. We assumed full surrender, prayed, hoped, and had full confidence in God. I think that made my experience of pregnancy just as beautiful and glorifying to my Creator as the beautiful, healthy birth at the end.
The full September harvest moon glowed brightly in through the living room curtains as I had a beautiful, peaceful, confident, straightforward, and efficient five hours of labor. My kids were sleeping in their bedroom and my husband was supporting me. A woman who is like a mother to my husband and I arrived at midnight, coffee in hand. We turned off the Mary Poppins movie we were trying to watch together and turned on positive birth affirmations which gave me great encouragement as I wandered around the house. One of the favorite things I did for this birth was freeze homemade cinnamon rolls for when baby arrived so my husband took those out of the freezer to rise!
I didn't even labor in my bedroom with my prepared diffuser, bubbling rock fountain, and twinkle lights in the plants. I spent most time in the bath with hot water poured on my back, backwards on the toilet, and leaning over the kitchen counter! One of the best things I did was wear a postpartum diaper while laboring. I was able to fully release each contraction, empty my bladder as much and often as I needed and not worry about leaking or bleeding anywhere. My water broke in the diaper and not a drop spilled on the ground, plus I was able to clearly see what the fluid looked like (clear with some white vernix)!
This was my first birth I got to feel baby's progress. The first time I did, I was like "I don't know how people can feel anything in here!" Everything was just squishy because my water hadn't broken yet. But after that, I could feel his head coming further with each push! Surprise baby BOY was born 25 minutes after my water broke with 3-4 pushes while holding onto the kitchen sink with towels underneath me and my two loving helpers to catch him. My other three kids were asleep in their bedroom!
He came out crying and I was so thankful to hear him thriving right away. I sat down to cuddle and nurse him for about 90 minutes before I was a little too uncomfortable (sore tailbone and shaking).
We tied his cord twice with cotton kitchen twine that I had braided beforehand and cut it with scissors that we boiled after he was born. My husband held him while I squatted to deliver my own placenta into a bowl- one of my favorite parts and here is why: My first three babies, I felt like my afterbirth was done to me. It was so empowering to decide and control how and when I would birth it. I honestly think waiting so long to birth my placenta and using gravity rather than someone pulling it out of me helped with less intense after pains in the following days. I definitely used AfterEase tincture though!
Reflecting, I know it was such a focused and relaxed labor because I didn't have strangers in my house or people I felt like I had to perform for. In a previous birth, I felt confined to my bedroom when the midwife was here because I wanted to be away from her, her birth assistant, and the student they had with them. I didn't want anyone touching me. This time, I welcomed the physical touch of my loving helpers and wanted them near.
My second reflection is how much more ownership and preparation I had for this birth. I owe this to my past birth experiences and to Heather Baker's book Homebirth on Your Own Terms. I felt like I had to be prepared and knowledgeable because I wasn't paying a professional to be there who I could fall back on. I had to pay attention to how I was feeling and what was happening. I knew someone wasn't going to tell me to change positions or take a drink or pee so I needed to listen to my body. It was all so internal, trusting, and full of surrender to God Himself compared to how external it felt to be in another person's professional care. I'm so thankful for every woman I know, online, and in books who have shared their own stories because I learned so much from them too.
I give all glory to God my Father who created me, designed birth, and answered all our prayers. Children are absolute blessings and gifts from God to our world. Cheers to more beautiful births!
Liz's energetic family of six lives in Indiana. Their family's mission words are Catholic, natural, and movement.
