Learning to Trust the Father: Erin's Home Birth of Second Baby Louie Thomas

For a long time I have struggled with the fear that surrendering and entrusting something to God will always lead to more pain and suffering. God used this pregnancy and birth to heal me of this wound. 

After the birth of my first child (you can read it here), I dealt with health challenges for a year. It was a very difficult time, and I had to make many sacrifices to heal my body and fix all the inflammation and depletion that had happened. I ran a lot in college and ate poorly, and that combined with lots of physical stressors during my first pregnancy and postpartum time caused some issues. There were many blessings during this time, though, as I learned how to properly nourish and be in tune with my body. 

Thankfully, after 10 months my body was healed and we were so excited to conceive our second child! After having to use NFP for so long, I just kind of assumed we would get pregnant the first try. Sadly, after several months of trying and tracking my cycle, we still didn’t conceive. Although it had only been four months, anyone who has really wanted a child knows the pain of waiting a whole month only to once again find out you’re not pregnant. At the beginning of month five of trying I felt very drawn in prayer to stop worrying about conceiving and completely trust in God's timing. No more tracking, just totally surrendering and trusting everything to Him.

Two people also mentioned the Surrender Novena to me, so I decided to pray that as well. On the last day of the novena, I took a test and it was positive! I was so overjoyed and went to Adoration that evening with my husband to thank Christ for this new life. I was so moved that the Psalm of the day was Psalm 29. I meditated deeply on these lines: O Lord my God I have cried to Thee and Thou hast healed me. The Lord hath heard and hath had mercy on me; the Lord became my helper. Thou has turned for me my mourning into joys.

This was the first time in my pregnancy that God showed me trusting in Him does not leave me more destitute (Litany of Trust). I had tried to conceive and really attempted to do whatever I could to help my chances. It wasn’t until I surrendered all control to God, though, that He gifted us a beautiful new life.

About a week after we found out, I contacted some homebirth midwives. While I was able to have an unmedicated first birth in the hospital, the experience was not what I wanted for the rest of my births. I didn’t have any birth trauma, probably mostly due to my three hour precipitous labor, so I was barely in the hospital before Peter was born. Even still, in the 45 minutes I was there I saw how much of a fight it was to have a physiologically normal birth. After my health issues, I was also so convicted that having proper hormones flowing is essential to having a natural birth, and it is very difficult for that to happen in a place you do not feel safe. I also really wanted a midwife that knew me, knew what I wanted in birth, and respected my intuition. Our body is so intelligently designed by God. We conceive the baby, grow the baby, and our body also knows how to birth the baby. It was so important to me that my midwife believed this, too! 

So, confident that homebirth was the route I wanted to go, I entrusted and surrendered my desire to God. The homebirth midwives that two of my friends used and loved were available so I started care with them! Prenatal appointments with them were drastically different than the OB. I was able to bring my two year old with me, and they had couches and toys in the room. Appointments were around every six weeks and so much more worthwhile. We talked through nutrition, fitness, birth preparation, hopes and fears. They always included my two year old in the appointments, letting him press the Doppler to hear the baby’s heartbeat! When I was having a lot of migraines, they helped me to find solutions that weren’t just medication (magnesium oxide and trace minerals!). Meeting with both of the midwives for so long also helped to build a great relationship of trust with them. 

My pregnancy as whole was relatively smooth. I was sick in the first trimester, but felt much better in the second and third. I didn’t have any complications, and none of my health issues that I had came back! I really believe that being low risk in pregnancy is usually not something that just happens to you. We have to work for it! I ate lots of protein, healthy fats, organic fruits, vegetables, and grains. I minimized processed foods as much as possible, spent a lot of time outside, took a high quality prenatal, magnesium, and trace minerals with lots of lemon water. I also walked a lot towards the end of my pregnancy (took a pause on walking while we were moving!) To prepare for birth, I took Beautiful One Midwifery’s online birth course which was so thorough and good! The Happy Homebirth Podcast also helped a lot to prepare me mentally as well. Spiritually, I prayed about birth a lot towards the end of my pregnancy and prayed the St. Andrew Novena. Breathwork practice and the Made for this Birth app relaxation practice helped a lot, too. Throughout my pregnancy, my mindset was to do all I could to prepare well and trust that God would take my efforts and turn it into something great. I meditated on the the miracle where our Lord turned a few loaves of bread and fish into enough food for the 5000. He, too, could take what little I had and transform it! 

As week 38 approached, I began to have lots of prodromal labor. Although, nothing happened for a while. My mom decided to fly in the day before my “due date” and I had a lot of peace that was the right decision, so I thought baby may not come till then! A few days before I went into labor I lost my mucus plug on a walk. I was so excited, and did my best to not google much… haha! Although I did look up different things about symptoms, the most peace came from just trusting God's timing! The end of pregnancy is such a mental battle. Trusting His timing and not stressing about when baby will come is the solution! I also decided not to tell people my “due date” this pregnancy to keep the pressure off, and I think that was a great decision. A due month is all everyone needs to know, haha!

I had another appointment at 39+6, and baby was so low that my midwife could not feel his head. She asked to do a quick handheld ultrasound to confirm he was head down, and my heart sank. I entrusted this to God, and thankfully baby was still head down, just sooo low! My midwife said she thought I would probably be calling her this weekend.. and she was right! When I was 40+1, my mom was now here, and I was feeling ready for birth. During my prayer that night, I felt very drawn to surrender my birth to Christ. Although God had showed me many times throughout this pregnancy that I have no reason to fear trusting Him, it still scared me to do this. I fought this temptation and surrendered and entrusted my birth and timing totally to Him. I also prayed through my birth intentions and finalized what I wanted to offer my labor for.

About an hour later at 10 p.m. my water partially broke! Since my first labor was so quick, my midwife team came right over. I did not have any contractions yet so they offered to break the rest of my water to start labor, but I wanted to wait and let labor start on its own. They left and told them to call if anything else happened. My water also broke as the first sign of labor with my first, but contractions started immediately with him and he had meconium staining. I was so grateful this baby’s fluid was clear! Baby sounded great on the Doppler, and with clear fluid, I felt confident waiting was the right decision. Everyone in the Made for This Birth Facebook group told me to rest, and I tried, but I was so nervous and excited I couldn’t sleep.

My two year old woke up around 2 a.m., I put him back to sleep and around 3 a.m. contractions started strong and 10 minutes apart. After a handful of them I started to use the birth combs and really had to focus. After an hour and a half my husband and I decided it was time to call the midwives. They got there around 5 a.m., suggested some different laboring positions and checked baby’s heart rate every 30 minutes. Probably around 6 a.m. the contractions were so intense and close together and I began to struggle to cope. My husband constantly helped me to recenter myself and reminded me to do deep breathing/moans. This helped me so much to get through each one. I moved a lot during labor, going from the birth tub to the bed to the toilet to the bathroom floor, and that helped a lot, too.

Around 7 a.m., my midwife came in and told me she thought my contraction pattern was irregular, and that combined with how intense my contractions were with no pelvic pressure made her think my water bag partially breaking was causing uneven pressure on my cervix and preventing even dilation. This birth was already so intense and an hour longer than my last birth so this news was difficult to hear. I was hoping I was close to done. I also was starting to feel super weak from being up all night. I tried to eat as much as I could when labor first started, but it was getting harder to eat with contractions so close together and so strong. My advice to all mamas is to eat a lot in early labor, you need the energy!!! My midwife assured me that she has only broken two waters in two years, and only for this reason. A week earlier, I also had an intuition that I was going to need a cervical check during this birth even though I avoided them totally with my first. I think this intuition was God's way of preparing me for this decision in birth. The long appointments and care my midwife gave me during my pregnancy helped me greatly to trust her input in this moment. My relationship with her, along with my intuition, led my husband and I to decide to let her break my water completely.

After breaking my water, the contractions stayed about the same level of intensity but I felt emotionally so worn out. The birth combs were no longer helpful to me, only breathing and deep moans. We have a small water heater in my house, so I was determined to hold off as long as I could with getting in the shower. The shower has always been my place to relax, and I knew I needed to save using it as long as I could. Around an hour or so after my water breaking I knew it was time to use the shower - I was at the max of what I could give! In the shower came the typical emotional wave that is transition. My midwife later told me that when she saw me emotional in the shower she knew I was in transition and baby was about to come! It is interesting that so many woman experience this during labor, a point where they feel they can give no more. I truly felt no strength of my own left, God had to get me through. And I prayed and let Him know that, haha!

Once we ran out of hot water I got back in the bed and started feeling the same pelvic pressure and urge to push that I had felt with Peter. What a relief!! Baby is almost here!! I started to push a little with each contraction, but didn’t tell anyone at first. Then I got out of the bed and back into the tub. At this point my midwives asked if I was pushing, and I said yes. They asked if I had the uncontrollable urge to push. Once I said I did, they had me lean over the side of the tub to help open my pelvis and prevent cervical lips.

After a few pushes, he was born at 8:58 a.m.!

Another little baby boy! Is there any greater relief than feeling your baby’s body slide out!?

A few minutes later my placenta came out naturally with little blood (compared to my first placental delivery where the OB did cord traction a few minutes after birth and I hemorrhaged…). My midwives helped me get into bed, and baby had a great latch.

We decided to name him Louie Thomas after St. Louis Martin and St. Thomas Aquinas. St. Thérèse has been so active in our lives over the past two years so we thought that honoring her father who she loved dearly was a good way to honor her as well. We love St. Louis Martin, and since God healed my view of Him as a loving Father throughout this pregnancy and birth, we thought it fitting to name this baby after such a saintly father! I also love this quote from St. Louis, which helped me to trust God more as well: "God does not allow Himself to be outdone in generosity." St. Louis Martin 

I did not tear, and Louie was doing great! He was 8 lbs. 10 oz. and 23 inches long! Getting into my own bed after birth was sooo nice and I was so grateful that Peter was able to meet his little brother in his own home on the day he was born! What a beautiful way to start their relationship as brothers! 

I am so grateful to God for the gift of Louie and his incredible pregnancy and birth. I hope I am blessed with many more homebirths! As I lay here writing this and looking at my sweet baby, I am filled with such love. Everything was so worth it for this little baby! 

I thought I would share some of my biggest takeaways of this pregnancy and birth: 

1. Surrendering and trusting God does not always mean suffering. Yes, there are always challenges but God gives grace enough to bear! Trust, live in the moment, and let Him write your story.

2. Being low risk isn’t something that just happens. Our choices in pregnancy impact us greatly.

3. Having a midwife/doctor you trust is so important.

4. Our intuition is a gift from God that we should pay attention to! 

5. There is SO much grace available when we embrace God's plan for us, even when it is  difficult! (So many of my birth intentions have been answered, and some were not small things!!) 

I hope my birth story will help you trust and embrace God's plans for your birth! 

Behold the birds of the air, for they neither sow, nor do they reap, nor gather into barns: and your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are not you of much more value than they? Matthew 6:26

Erin is blessed to be a stay at home mom of two boys living in Wake Forest, NC. She has been married to her husband, Connor, for four years. She is passionate about encouraging other woman to embrace God's plan for birth and regularly orders the Made for This Birth book for any pregnant mom friend she meets!